I must preface this review with a caveat: I haven’t actually finished reading this novel. Nevertheless, I feel confident discussing it because, frankly, the plots in novels like this one really aren’t all that important. Really, when the protagonist is, as the title boldly declares, a “mild, meek, mother’s boy,” the only thing Captain Nice has to deliver is outrageous humor. And boy, does it deliver. Some of the humor is so outrageous, in fact, that it’s almost painful to read. But it reflects the tone of the series.

Like dozens of other TV tie-in novels, Captain Nice was written by William Johnston. By the time it was published the program it was based on, NBC’s Captain Nice, was probably already off the air. It ran for just 15 episodes between January and May of 1967. William Daniels starred as Carter Nash, a feeble, unimposing scientist who lives with his domineering mother. Using a secret formula he devised, Carter turns into the inept superhero Captain Nice and fights crime in Big Town.

As Captain Nice opens Big Town is being threatened by Thomas Fidget, a man who used to work with Nash at the police laboratory. Fidget was fired. To get his revenge he built a time machine and is threatening to disappear the town’s top politicians sideways into time if he isn’t paid a billion dollars. Captain Nice is soon on the job.

Captain Nice Front – Copyright 1967 Tempo Books

I can’t say whether Captain Nice captures Fidget (I assume he does) before the mayor and the chief of police disappear. I can state unequivocally that Carter is depicted as a complete and utter buffoon. Here’s a choice excerpt:

Carter had risen, holding the lamp. Carefully, he placed it on the table, then inched away. Finally, confident that the lamp was safe, he turned and strode toward the television set. An instant later he felt a tug at his ankle. His foot was caught in the cord. Behind him, the lamp crashed to the floor once more. Carter, off balance, lurched into another table, knocking a second lamp and a candy dish from their perch. Ricocheting off the table, he tripped over a footstool, did a perfect somersault, performed a belly-whopper across the coffee table, and ended up where he had started–on the couch; but with his head buried under the cushions instead of sitting up.

I rest my case.

Captain Nice Back – Copyright 1967 Tempo Books

As I said earlier, some of the humor is a little painful. The above paragraph wasn’t too bad, to be honest, but later on when the Mayor and the Chief of Police were having their pictures taken right before a raid on Fidget’s presumed hideout, there was an attempt to make it seem as if the photographers were having a hard time taking their last photographs: “For the sixth time, the photographers were taking the last picture” and “No more than a half-hour later, the photographers finally snapped the final picture.” I found this particularly weak. Perhaps it would have played out better on the television screen.

If anything particularly unexpected occurs during the rest of the novel I’ll be sure to mention it. From what I’ve read, though, Captain Nice the novel seems like the perfect tie-in to Captain Nice the television show.

Related posts:

1. Bookshelf: Welcome Back, Kotter #2 – “The Sweathog Newshawks”
2. Bookshelf: Happy Days #1 – Ready to Go Steady
3. Bookshelf: Sorry, Chief…

According to its back cover, Television in the Antenna Age: A Concise History is an “accessible, engaging, and straightforward overview of the medium’s history and development in the United States.” Its eight chapters cover roughly a century of technological innovation, the explosive growth of mass advertising and the role television played in the home. The first three chapters focus heavily on radio and how it grew into a dominant cultural force. Beginning with the fourth chapter Television in the Antenna Age delves into the hows and whys of broadcast television, covering the fall of DuMont and the rise of ABC, the shift from live dramas to filmed action-adventure shows, the problems of violence and quiz show rigging and the role of government regulation in the television industry.

Each chapter is peppered with the occasional sidebar discussing one aspect of television or an excerpt from interviews with the likes of Abby Mann, E. G. Marshall and David Hartman. I actually found these disruptive, to be honest, and don’t think they added much to the book. If anything, they interrupted the flow of the text in an attempt to flesh out the term “least objectionable programming” or devote a few paragraphs to the U-2 incident. If these topics weren’t important enough to cover in the text proper, they probably weren’t important enough to devote a sidebar to.

As interesting as I found the bulk of the book to be — and parts of it were indeed very interesting — I was a little put off by the occasionally silly end notes. Many of them weren’t even necessary. For example, in the second chapter there’s an end note explaining who the Wright brothers are. Others briefly cover the War of 1812, World War I, what S.O.S. stands for, what two oceans border the United States and how many terms Ronald Reagan served as President. Were the authors trying to have a little fun with the end notes, curious to see if readers would actually refer to them?

As a “concise history” the book does a fine job exploring the birth of television and how it grew to such prominence. I would have preferred a slightly more professional tone at times but, Laura R. Linden puts it in her foreword, “the authors gleefully unravel the story of modern telecommunications history in all its felicitous, tempestuous, serendipitous, and often ridiculous glory.”

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With ABC’s remake of V drawing 14.3 million viewers (and earning a 5.2 Nielsen rating in the coveted Adults 18-49 demographic) I decided to review another issue of DC’s comic book adaptation of NBC’s 1984-1985 version. Issue #3 came out in April of 1985 and, once again, the cover artwork had absolutely nothing to do with the story. But that’s not uncommon with comic books. At the end of issue #2 (which I reviewed in August), Mike Donovan, Juliet Parrish and another resistance member, Hart, had been imprisoned by a town working with the Visitors and things didn’t look too good.

Perhaps not surprisingly, things turned out considerably better in issue #3. Willie and another resistance member, with the help of young Billy, were able to free the others. They were soon attacked by Visitors and Boyce (the other resistance member) was killed. After splitting up, Juliet and Hart were captured by the Visitor leader. Billy, hiding in a building, tried to free them but was killed shortly thereafter. Juliet and Hart were taken aboard the Visitor ship.

An enraged Mike burst into Billy’s funeral and berated the townspeople for working with the Visitors. He begged them to help bring down the Visitor ship but to no avail. So, he and Willie went out to get the job done themselves. The two taped grenades to the top of the geysers above which the ship was floating and when the geysers went off the grenades were thrown into the air. The resulting explosion successfully knocked the ship out of the air.

V #3 Cover – Copyright DC Comics Inc.

In a shocking turn of events an armed crowd of townspeople suddenly arrive on the scene and the battle is joined. Juliet and Hart, after escaping from a holding cell on the ship, meet up with Mike and Willie and the four run for it. The ship explodes and the Visitor leader escapes. Unfortunately, he’ll have to meet with an angry Diana. Mike, Juliet and the others take their leave of the town, which is firmly on the side of the resistance, secure in the knowledge that Billy’s death meant something.

The issue ends with a Visitor named Lorne pulling up outside Nathan Bates’ office in a cart said to be carrying Ham Tyler and Chris Farber. But Bates is in for a surprise: Ham and Chris are forcing Lorne to bring them close enough to Bates to kill him.

Related posts:

1. Bookshelf: V #2
2. Bookshelf: Man from Atlantis #1
3. Bookshelf: V #1

Unlike the giant-size premiere issue (read my review here), the second issue of Marvel’s comic book adaptation of NBC’s Man from Atlantis contained just one story. Titled “Into the Bermuda Triangle,” the story opened with Dr. Elizabeth Merrill asking Dr. Miller Simon to call Mark Harris from the exercise-pool, declaring “We may have a mission!” And they do indeed have a mission.

While conducting training exercises in the vicinity of the Bermuda Triangle, a strange white mist enveloped a large group of Navy ships. Some 1,000 men disappeared when the ships emerged from the mist. The Navy wants Mark to investigate. He agrees (over Dr. Merrill’s objections) and before long the two are aboard the Cetacean preparing for Mark to dive. Once in the water he sheds the diving gear he was wearing (to protect the secret of his biology) and swims off. He is soon overtaken by the same strange mist.

Man from Atlantis #2 Front – Copyright 1978 Marvel Comics Group

Mark is shocked to materialize in front of Mr. Schubert who should, given the events in the first pilot telefilm of the series, be dead. But Schubert is far from dead and he has plenty of men and women under his control, using the same hypnotic bracelets from the first pilot. That doesn’t work but for some reason Mark stupidly agrees to tour Schubert’s underwater complex. He spots Drs. Merrill and Miller, their minds under Schubert’s control, and is then suddenly attacked.

He’s able to take care of the attackers but is then shot in the back by Dr. Merrill and collapses. When he awakens, he’s strapped to an operating table, weak from being away from the water, and Dr. Merrill is standing over him with a scalpel. She’s preparing to dissect him in order to uncover the secrets of his biology. The comic ends on a cliffhanger that teases “The SECRET of the MIST!” (but will Mark live to discover it?).

Like the first issue, the artwork here is barely passable. Mark has disturbingly large muscles, Dr. Merrill looks more like a creepy doll than a woman and Schubert has the strangest sideburns. And for some reason, in some panels various characters are missing any color in their eyes.

Related posts:

1. Bookshelf: Man from Atlantis #1, “Man from Atlantis”
2. First Man from Atlantis Telefilm Available on DVD
3. Bookshelf: Man from Atlantis #1

I’ve mentioned before that I’m a big fan of The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. (you can read my article about the series here and my review of the show’s soundtrack from Varèse Sarabande here) so its about time I got around to reviewing one of the five tie-in novels connected to the series. Only two were published in the United States with three others only seeing print in the United Kingdom (plus one duplicate). Here’s a nifty table:

I have only read the first novel published in the United States (The Birds of a Feather Affair) but hope to eventually read all the others (those only published in the United Kingdom can be pricey). It is easily one of my favorite tie-in novels of all time and not just because it’s a bit racy. The story is engaging and more serious than most episodes of the show itself. I actually have two copies of The Birds of a Feather Affair, one of which is in pretty sad shape. Someone traced the U.N.C.L.E. logo in pencil over and over again. And it is creased quite nicely. Notice that Stefanie Powers’ name is spelled incorrectly as Stephanie Powers on the cover.

In my review of The Man from U.N.C.L.E. #3 – The Copenhagen Affair I mentioned that the story was somewhat more violent than the television show. With The Birds of a Feather Affair it’s not just the violence that has been altered. Poor April Dancer spends some twenty pages in her underwear after being captured by THRUSH agents and stripped of any weaponry or possible piece of U.N.C.L.E. technology (including a specially designed under wire). And for some reason, on a handful of occasions April takes the time to notice how attractive one of her THRUSH adversaries is:

The redhead moved ahead. Tall, vibrant and athletic. Her figure was enviable. April shook her head, watching the sensuous twitch of buttocks beneath the beige skirt. The legs were superb, too. Miss Van Atta was a body built for bed.

Still, although more risque than the television series, The Birds of a Feather Affair isn’t all that adult. Sure, April alludes to Mark Slate’s way with the ladies in a roundabout fashion and she wears a few skimpy dresses, but that’s about it. Like the show, though, the novel is fairly sexist. April is a woman first and an U.N.C.L.E. agent second, having only one speciality that male agents like Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuyankin don’t have: “If a female enemy agent walked into the power room, April Dancer could follow her.” She does handle a gun like a pro, though, and saves plenty of lives.

The Birds of a Feather Affair – Copyright 1966 Signet Books

The novel opens with April awkwardly perched on the ledge of a building in high heels, wrapping up a mission. She is then asked to swing by Mark’s apartment. She doesn’t find him but instead encounters lovely red head and a deadly snake. She kills the snake and suspects the woman but unfortunately she is soon knocked out and captured by the woman and a pair of her associates. All THRUSH. She awakens, sans clothes, next to Mark. They’ve been abducted by THRUSH to be used as bargaining chips for a scientist named Alek Zorki held by U.N.C.L.E.

Mark and April are able to blow a hole in the wall of their prison cell using explosive scrapped off their toenails (U.N.C.L.E. thinks of everything) but during the ensuing confusion Mark is captured again while April is left to die when the hallway she is in explodes. She finds a woman named Joanna Paula Jones stuffed in a locker, pulls her out and then prepares them both by filling the hallway with water. It successfully absorbs much of the explosion but the two are thrown out of the building.

The Birds of a Feather Affair – Copyright 1966 Signet Books

April makes her way back to U.N.C.L.E. headquarters, helps free Mark from the clutches of the sadistic Miss Van Atta, returns to headquarters, meets up with Joanna again and then helps hunt down Zorki and a traitorous U.N.C.L.E. agent as they attempt to escape via a helicopter on the roof. Both are killed and April takes Joanna back to her apartment for the night. Unfortunately, they run into the female THRUSH agent (who masqueraded as a man) who oversaw the attempt to get Zorki back. She kills Joanna and then escapes, leaving April inconsolable (she sits down and has “a good, long woman’s cry” before berating herself for being female).

As someone who likes The Girl from U.N.C.L.E., The Birds of a Feather Affair was a fun read and the blatant sexism as easily ignored as a product of the times. And though April may be a woman, she’s still a stellar and deadly agent.

Related posts:

1. Bookshelf: The Man from U.N.C.L.E. #3, “The Copenhagen Affair”
2. Bookshelf: Sorry, Chief…
3. Bookshelf: The Man from U.N.C.L.E. #16

I wrote about NBC’s Man from Atlantis in March of this year as part of a Q & A segment and I reviewed the first issue of Marvel’s short-lived comic series in June. Recently, the Warner Archive made the first of four made-for-TV movies that launched the series available at its website, so it seemed like the perfect time to review the novelization of that first telefilm, written by Richard Woodley.

The four made-for-TV movies that served as pilots for Man from Atlantis were originally broadcast between March and June of 1977. The novelization of the first telefilm, simply titled Man from Atlantis, was published in October of 1977. As far as I can tell, nowhere on the cover or in the book is it mentioned that the book is based on a television script, which is unusual. The back cover does include the following line: “The first in a series of breathtaking underwater adventures based on the fantastic new television sensation,” but nothing about being adapted.

Man from Atlantis Front Cover – Copyright 1977 Dell Publishing Co, Inc.

It has been quite some time since I saw Man from Atlantis so I can’t say how closely the novelization hews to the telefilm. Broadly speaking, it appears to follow the storyline that begins with a man found on a beach during a storm. He’s brought to a hospital but the doctors don’t know what to do with him. Thankfully, Dr. Elizabeth Merrill, a scientist working with the Naval Undersea Center, tags along when her friend is called to the hospital and is able to save the man by returning him to the ocean and drowning him.

Well, she doesn’t actually drown him. She realizes that the reason he’s having trouble breathing is because he physically cannot breath above water. He’s revived by the ocean water and brought to the Naval Undersea Center where Elizabeth begins to study him. She names him Mark Harris and although he doesn’t talk realizes he’s incredibly intelligent. The Navy soon sees him as an asset and wants him to help recover a submarine (the Sea Quest) missing at the bottom of the ocean with its two-man crew.

Man from Atlantis Back Cover – Copyright 1977 Dell Publishing Co, Inc.

Mark agrees, vocally, and after the shock of hearing him talk wears off everyone gets to work. Mark and Elizabeth head out on the USS Moon River. Mark descends into the ocean and goes to work. To make a long story short, his recovery mission turns into something else entirely when he stumbles upon a laboratory at the bottom of the ocean. He sneaks inside and meets Mr. Schubert, a man who wants to save humanity by destroying it. Mark finds the submarine’s crew alive but under Schubert’s control.

While Elizabeth worries on the ocean’s surface, Mark learns what he can about Schubert before being knocked out and placed in a metal cage to drown. Instead, the water revives him and he’s able to save everyone, stop Schubert from launching the world’s nuclear missiles and make his way back to Elizabeth. In return for helping the Navy, Mark is allowed to go free. Elizabeth bids him an emotional farewell and watches as he swims off. Suddenly, however, he returns, telling her that he has plenty more to learn (and setting the stage for the next telefilm).

I really enjoyed Man from Atlantis. It was a fun read. I have the other three novelization as well and we shall have to see if they’re as good as the first.

Related posts:

1. Bookshelf: Man from Atlantis #2
2. First Man from Atlantis Telefilm Available on DVD
3. Bookshelf: Man from Atlantis #1

Cain’s Hundred ran for one season on NBC from 1961 to 1962. Mark Richman starred as Nick Cain, a former mob lawyer who decides he’s had enough of working for criminals. That doesn’t sit well with the mob and an attempt is made on his life. His fiancée is killed instead, leading Cain to vow to bring 100 of the worst mobsters to justice. A total of 30 episodes were produced. As was common practice in the 1960s, Dell published a pair of tie-in comics. The first was dated May-July 1962 and the second, which I review here, September-November.

Interestingly, the character of Nick Cain doesn’t make his first appearance until page 19 (out of 32 pages). The first half of the comic sets up the story. At a syndicate meeting, mob boss Barny Rogin decides that Jim Deren is found to be cooking his books, so he’s killed and replaced by a man named Tony Jasper. Jasper, who took off for Brazil eight years earlier, has had plastic surgery. He’s thrilled to be back in the action. His daughter, Cindy, doesn’t know a thing about his mob connections. They change their last name to James and settle down in Belford.

Cain’s Hundred #2 Front Cover – Copyright 1962 Published by Dell Publishing Co, Inc.

Before long, with the help of his associates Davis and Grillo, Tony gets down to business. They shake down two trucking companies, killing a few drivers and destroying a few trucks to force the owners to raise prices (and kick back the extra money to Tony). They then move on to dry cleaning. Unfortunately, one owner just won’t say yes, so he’s beaten up by a thug named Packer. The owner grabs a gun and confronts Packer in a bar. They both shoot and both die. Grillo, who was with Packer, gets away.

It’s at this point that Cain learns what has been going on in Bedford. He doesn’t like it. Along with Special Agent Devlin at his side, he investigates. They manage to convince the owner of one of the trucking companies to come clean; the man is killed shortly thereafter and Tony decides to lay low. Cindy, overhearing a conversation between her father and Grillo, assumes her father is being intimidated and decides to tell Cain. She is nearly killed by another mobster who wants to pin the death on Grillo.

Cain’s Hundred #2 Page – Copyright 1962 Published by Dell Publishing Co, Inc.

Instead, Cindy manages to make it to Cain. Tony, Grillo and the others are quickly surrounded by Cain and the police. A shoot-out ensues. Tony is hurt but survives and the protection racket is smashed. Another of Cain’s Hundred can be crossed off. But for Nick Cain, there will always be another goon to take down. Still, it always to “knock a syndicate wheel out of action.”

As is often the case, the artwork doesn’t do justice to Mark Richman, who has a very distinctive face. He’s almost recognizable in the comic, but really the character’s features are quite vague. I noticed a few mistakes in the comic. For example, at one point Cindy is out dancing and her hair changes from blond (yellow, really) to reddish-orange in on panel. In another panel, a dialogue bubble obviously intended for Cindy (”But, Daddy…”) instead points to Grillo. Grillo’s hair also changes from light orange to a much darker orange.

I decided not to show the back cover, which depicts possible prices for selling cards through the Junior Sales Club of America. The inner front and back covers each show a one-page, black and white story, “The Trucking Racket” and “Phony Charities,” in which real-life scams are depicted.

Related posts:

1. Q & A: The Second Hundred Years, Paradise
2. Bookshelf: Fury (Dell Four-Color) #1333
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The Man from U.N.C.L.E. had one of the most successful tie-in lines of all time, with 23 novels published between 1965 and 1968 by Ace Books. A 24th novel was written by never published (read about it here). Sixteen of these novels were also published in the United Kingdom with different covers and a different numbering system. I have seven of these novels, the last being #11. Many of the latter novels are quite hard to find these days. Amazon.com has copies of #23 with prices as high as $207.06 (it might actually be cheaper to buy the U.K. version).

What struck me the most about “The Copenhagen Affair” was the level of violence. Certainly, The Man from U.N.C.L.E. was a violent show, with plenty of gun play and fist fights, but it wasn’t necessarily bloody, especially during the rather campy third season. This novel, though, is quite explicit. Illya Kuryakin shoots one particularly evil women between the eyes. Earlier, several bad guys are killed during a gun battle:

It certainly was not a scene of domestic bliss. Rabbit Face was sprawling near the door with half his head shot away. Eiler, center stage, grinned vacantly at the shattered ceiling with a blue hole between his eyes. A huddle of duffel coat in a pool of blood represented all that was left of the saturnine Bjorn.

The novel isn’t all blood and guts, though. The THRUSH threat of the week is a flying saucer of sorts, one that is very, very dangerous but one that also doesn’t have all the kinks ironed out. They prototypes have to be blown up in mid-air rather than crash to Earth. Napoleon Solo is sent to Denmark to track down a man named Garbridge who is in charge of the saucer program.

The Copenhagen Affair Front – Copyright 1965 Ace Books

Solo gets himself captured by Garbridge and his thugs but manages to escape and soon meets up with Illya. The two join forces with another U.N.C.L.E. agent, a red-head named Karen, and some former Danish resistance fighters from World War II who can be trusted. They find Garbridge’s underground plant and plan to destroy it. They’re able to knock out most of the T.H.R.U.S.H. agents/scientists inside but Garbridge gets away with Karen.

Karen is brought to a maternity home that doubles as a T.H.R.U.S.H. facility where she meets a vile women named Ingrid who worked as an interrogator during World War II. She has a room full of nasty whips and chains and hooks and electrical devices. Karen faints. Thankfully, before Ingrid can spend too much time with Karen, Solo and Napoleon arrive to rescue her. But Garbridge gets away again.

The Copenhagen Affair Back – Copyright 1965 Ace Books

The two track Garbridge back to his facility where he jumps in his saucer and tries to fly away. Instead, he crashes and dies in a giant explosion. Karen recovers sufficiently to join Napoleon and Illya for dinner.

Related posts:

1. Bookshelf: The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. #1, “The Birds of a Feather Affair”
2. Bookshelf: Planet of the Apes #1, “Man the Fugitive”
3. Bookshelf: The Man from U.N.C.L.E. #16

I am a huge fan of the Planet of the Apes franchise. Huge fan. The movies series, the live-action television show and even the cartoon. I love them all. So of course I have several tie-in novels related to Planet of the Apes in my collection. George Alec Effinger wrote four novelizations based on the series between 1974 and 1976 (by which time the CBS drama had been off the air for quite some time), which were apparently first published in hardcover, although every copy I’ve seen is in paperback.

Rather than novelizing the first two episodes of the series to be broadcast (”Escape from Tomorrow” and “The Gladiators,” originally broadcast September 13th and 20th, 1974), Man the Fugitive tackles “The Cure” (originally broadcast November 29th, 1974) and “The Good Seeds” (originally broadcast October 4th, 1974). However, “The Good Seeds” was actually the first episode produced (and “The Cure” was the sixth episode produced) and given that Effinger was likely working from scripts that were available, it actually makes some sense that these would be the first episodes novelized.

Man the Fugitive Front – Copyright 1974 Award Books

Despite having seen the episodes more than once I really enjoyed Man the Fugitive. Although because I haven’t watched these episodes in years I can’t directly compare them to the television versions. But I can say with some certainty that Effinger fleshed them out a bit in order to make them more readable in print form, adding description and inner dialogue. That’s the only way to expand an hour-long drama into 89 pages (for “The Cure”) or 82 pages (for “The Good Seeds”).

In “The Cure,” astronauts Alan Virdon and Pete Burke, and their friend Galen (a chimpanzee) risk being captured by General Urko to try to save a human village in the throes of a malaria outbreak. Virdon miraculously recalls how to make quinine (using bark from cinchona trees) and the three are able to convince the ape medical chief Zoran to use the medicine. Urko, of course, just wants to burn down the village and almost gets his way when apes start getting sick as well. But Virdon, Burke and Galen win the day.

Man the Fugitive Back – Copyright 1974 Award Books

While running from Urko and his apes, Galen falls and hurts his leg in “The Good Seeds,” forcing Virdon and Burke to carry him to an ape farmhouse and beg for help. The father, Polar, relucantly agrees to let them stay but fully expects the humans to work for their keep. And work they do, introducing novel farming techniques, draining a swamp, building strong fences, a windmill and even a shower. But the older son, Anto, doesn’t want the humans around, worried that they’ll curse the family cow and keep him from getting the bull calf he needs to start his own family. Once again, Virdon comes through with the necessary knowledge to save both the cow and its offspring, winning over Anto in the process. It’s a touching story, really.

I also have the second and third novelizations written by Effinger, but I haven’t been able to find a copy of the fourth one. Nor do I have any of the novelizations of the animated Return to the Planet of the Apes by William Arrow, which are apparently somewhat rare. I just cannot justify spending $50 for a paperback tie-in novel, no matter how much I want to read it.

Related posts:

1. Bookshelf: Man from Atlantis #1, “Man from Atlantis”
2. Bookshelf: The Man from U.N.C.L.E. #16
3. An Alternate Ending to The Fugitive?

This is one of six tie-in novels based on ABC’s Welcome Back, Kotter published by Tempo Books between 1976 and 1977. They were all written by prolific tie-in novelist William Johnston. I have two in my collection, #2 The Sweathog Newshawks and #5 The Sweathog Sit-In. My copy of The Sweathog Newshawks is in pretty good shape aside from a upper right hand corner of the front cover where a price sticker was torn off and “30″ written in marker.

I’m a pretty big fan of Welcome Back, Kotter, partly because of the humor and partly because I’m fond of actress Marcia Strassman. Unfortunately, this novel just doesn’t do the series justice. Certainly, the humor in the show was juvenile and the plots often thin or even non-existent. But The Sweathog Newshawks is beyond juvenile. It’s unbelievable, in fact. The story pits the Sweathogs against Mr. Woodman, which is par for the course.

The Sweathog Newshawks Front – Copyright 1976 Tempo Books

Woodman is in charge of the school’s newspaper, the Booster, and rejects an article written by Freddie “Boom-Boom” Washington. So, at the urging of Mr. Kotter, the Sweathogs decide to start their own paper, the Sweathog (the back cover refers to it as The Sweathog Press). But they don’t want to do all the reporting, so they just make things up and don’t name names. The first issue is incredibly popular but after everyone realizes that the promised sex and human interest isn’t all that interesting when all involved are anonymous.

Plus, the Sweathogs have taken over the Kotter’s living room, annoying Mr. Kotter, and there are some dangerous thugs threatening everyone due to one of the anonymous articles in the Sweathog. Mr. Woodman tries to force the paper to close but the school’s lawyer sides with the Sweathogs. Eventually, after they realize how much money they aren’t making, the Sweathogs decide to give up the paper. Thankfully, Mr. Kotter is able to convince Mr. Woodman to let them take over the Booster, so everything works out well in the end.

The Sweathog Newshawks Back – Copyright 1976 Tempo Books

I didn’t laugh or even chuckle once while reading this novel. It just wasn’t funny. None of the characters were particularly fleshed out and aside from the occasional “Hahh…hahh…hahh” from Horshack, the show’s catchphrases are nonexistent. Of course, it could be that when William Johnston was writing this those catchphrases had yet to be finalized.

One final thing. Opposite the title page, where a list of related books is often printed, the following can be found:

So you missed Welcome Back, Kotter #1. Well, no hard feelings. You get another chance.

THE SWEATHOG TRIAL, by William Johnston, $1.25 is available now. Ask your local bookseller!

Don’t mess it up!

Sadly, that’s probably the funniest thing in the whole book.

Related posts:

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2. Bookshelf: Happy Days #1 – Ready to Go Steady
3. Bookshelf: Sorry, Chief…